The first cannot stand true without the second.

I know words matter. Now, I am guilty of downplaying how much words matter when other people react to words they don’t like, but then reacting dramatically to hearing things I don’t like. I am imperfect when it comes to all of this, but we seriously can’t continue this way anymore.

If words matter, then we have to understand that everyone is learning which words matter. We all start somewhere, so demanding immediate and perfect perfection is unfair and ridiculous. It also can lead to self-destructive tendencies because you end up with countless words & topics that immediately infuriate you. …


I’ve recently become a strength coach. Though, how does one become one? I feel like it’s mostly through experience, so maybe I’m not there yet. I’m there by name and job title, but I’m so aware of the people who have paved the way for strength and conditioning in athletics and I know that I have much to learn. It is an incredibly scientific, thoughtful, and detail-oriented, and I really like that it’s not always about the outcome, but the journey as well. …


Frankly, I don’t give a damn. I understand that having a concrete “new beginning” is really helpful for some people, and as much as concrete-ness really help me to process things, this feels different for some reason. It feels limiting to see it as a new start when I’ve realized that every day I wake up is a new start.

I mean, duh. That’s so obvious. But the pandemic, the seemingly endless months that I sat on my couch just waiting for life to make sense again…what was I waiting for? Why did I waste so much time? I have never felt so drained of purpose, of energy, of meaning. It was easy because I didn’t have to run into any problems to solve, but it was terrible because I didn’t have any problems to solve. Author Mark Manson talked about how solving problems is often the key to happiness — while his book is apparently slightly controversial and not for everyone, I think he has a point. …


When I graduated from college, I had absolutely no idea what was in store for me. I can’t believe that was only a little over 3 years ago because how did I fit everything I’ve learned in just 3 years? Immediately after graduating, I was forced to spend time alone, not because of COVID, but because it’s just what you do when you move somewhere for only 6 months. Through that, I developed a greater love for fitness, for eating…better, for spending time with myself, and for thinking about things more. …


Hi. I am very, very hard on myself. I tend to kick myself for the small things I do that are either (1) an accident, or (2) such small issues that it doesn’t really matter. It’s an easy reflex, a quick reaction to a lot of things. I’ve had to learn to be gracious to myself, to look at the big picture, and to just calm the HELL down. I could sit here and talk in circles about “why I am the way I am”, but I won’t, because truthfully, I don’t know (the “nature vs. nature” stuff). …


Carbs make more sense now. They’re for performance.

Protein: 1g per 1lb body weight. It’s really hard for me to reach that especially on days when I end up eating lunch at 5pm.

Fat: keep it low, but not too low. High cholesterol runs in the family and I’ve never had to worry until now. But I don’t want it to drop too low because it’s a lot harder to function.

Fat: in another way, am I? I am exhausted constantly defending my weight to myself. I am 5’4”, 170 pounds, and none of it makes sense. I don’t understand my measurements, my proportions. I don’t know how I compare to other people. I don’t know how to explain to my mom that even though the BMI says I’m overweight, I’m not. I think. …


These are the few things I’ve been thinking about lately. It took me 3.5 months of living in this new place to realize why I’ve been so frustrated. I’ve been angry that it seems like other people get to live their best life when I had to leave my favorite place and my (former) favorite person. I’ve been jealous that things haven’t changed for them, that they get to be with someone who loves them, that they get to live in beautiful places.

These are all random, unnamed people I know. …


I think that we as humans now are finding it harder and harder to accept disappointment and defeat. Just look at all of the trophies and awards and praises people get for doing the bare minimum. I think we are living in a culture of wanting the easiest, quickest solution, even if it’s not the best or long-lasting. We want that instant gratification and accepting defeat is simply not part of the terms — people simply don’t care about the rules anymore, look how we’re handling COVID-19 in athletics. …


I wanted to talk about these two items today because I feel like a lot of people equate these to each other. As long as you’re authentic, you’re vulnerable, right? Perhaps. But to really be both of these things I do think you need to make them discrete parts. As humans, showing weakness is pretty much the opposite of what anyone is supposed to do. It’s not a survival instinct because you have to be strong to survive.

While it still holds true in some cases that the strong survive and showing weakness is…a sign of weakness — in a lot of jobs now, especially in the healthcare field, vulnerability from clinicians can be very helpful and sometimes it’s necessary. Perhaps I can only speak to the more “rehab”-based professions because I don’t know what it’s like as a physician, nurse, or dentist, but in my line of work, it’s incredibly important to have excellent communication. …


I had a long thought about why we suffer. There are a few contributors — ourselves (our mindsets and our actions), other people’s choices, the laws of nature, and the general nonsense that is life. Part of me fully understands that suffering is natural and we’ll all experience it. I am sympathetic towards those who suffer, but I also genuinely believe that we cause a lot of our own suffering.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I see it everywhere. I see this willingness to suffer rather than to work through something. I see people who choose to suffer, to go through pain, rather than spend some more time and work hard to improve things as much as they can. I see it in myself all the time, so I’m not knocking anyone for doing it. …

About

Jen Xu

Athletic trainer, coffee lover, looking for a hobby I don’t have time for. I write about fitness, mental health, being Asian-American, and personal growth.

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