Ok, I know the title could have been shorter, I could have said “with not being invincible”, but that seems to imply that there was a time where I felt invincible. To be clear, there has never been such a time like that. In fact, I’ve probably swung it too aggressively the other direction and been quite mean to myself. But this first week and a half of school has really kicked my butt already. One, I’m currently office-less — and don’t get me wrong, I like variations in schedules, but not too many. I’ve kind of just been wandering around campus, which is fine, but I am ready for some normalcy! Relative normalcy, that is.
But basically I went from lounging around this summer (also nothing wrong with this, even though I got bored pretty early on), to carrying around a lunchbox & backpack (it’s really not heavy, but I’ve tried 3 different backpacks — 2 are too long without good water bottle pockets, and one is too deep so the books move around and the water bottle pockets are too large so it falls out), taking about 8k steps just to get around campus on a light day on brick and concrete which is not great for minimalist shoes, and trying to manage classes…and expectations that I don’t quite understand yet.
Needless to say, my body and my mind are being challenged quite a bit. It’s almost like a shock to my system. I went from being able to spend 2 hours at the gym because I could recover the exact way I wanted, to having to sprint-walk to a class, carry a heavy bag, etc. My body is currently dealing with a hip injury that isn’t helped by sitting and then long stretches of walking, and then I’m just sore overall because I decided to start swimming again, in hopes of playing water polo next week. So, everything hurts. Yet, I still find myself at the gym. I think I’m just looking for something to keep me busy, but now I don’t need that, because I have classes and research and life to keep up with.
I also think there’s some kind of weird pressure I’m putting on myself to show up. “What will people think if I stop showing up?” Silly, because no one is paying that much attention to me. No one pays that much attention to someone else’s gym schedule! But my thinking is — if someone were to know that I’m “skipping the gym” without knowing the reason — what would they think of me? It’s truly ridiculous, but I think that’s been getting to me more than anything. I also want to continue getting stronger! But I’m spending my workouts in pain…pissed off because I’m in pain and not getting stronger. Also, just because swimming is a non-impact sport…it does not mean you won’t be sore. Especially when you have less than 180 degrees of shoulder motion…phew.
I think that a big lesson here is: taking the time off that you need from the gym shows more discipline and restraint than continuing to go and hurting yourself. I’ve seen this sentiment floating around before, I understand it, but I used it a lot in the past to take time off simply because I was feeling lazy. So, I think I’ve been pushing myself because I don’t want to be lazy. But, going to the gym is one thing — doing the other work for recovery is another! Beating yourself up in the gym is really fun and easy in a way, but doing the stuff to make sure you’re well-rested and able to continue going to the gym (especially as you get older) shows a greater amount of discipline than anything else. The movements I need to be doing (ex. toe exercises, shoulder stuff to be fresh for swimming/polo), the sleep I need to get, the food I need to eat, etc.
Well, the other lesson is that I’m not invincible. Again, something I’ve vaguely known, but haven’t been able to fully grasp. I’m not special, I don’t get to bypass doing recovery and mobility just because I like lifting. Also, just because I’m not adapting to my new demands (ex. walking a few miles with a backpack, haven’t done that in ages), it doesn’t mean I’m broken. History matters, right? I did very little during the summer (basically 4 months of doing whatever I wanted), so my body told me, hey, slow down…but I ignored it, and here we are.
Solutions? I’ll take the rest of the week off from the gym, but do the rehab and movement I need to outside of the gym. Lower load relatively, not nearly as fun, but necessary. I think I need a reminder of why it’s important to do the maintenance work (I do expect to feel better after doing them, but I need to be reminded of that), and why taking time off is okay. I also fear what will happen if I take time off from the gym — but I know my fears are preposterous, like I’ll lose all my muscle and gain 5 pounds of fat, because that’s not how things work. Feelings are not facts, right? Plus, then I can figure out who I am outside of the gym.
To sum up, less is sometimes more. I’m not perfect, and that’s okay, because no one expects me to be. It’s not weak or undisciplined to take time off because your body isn’t responding well to the demands you’re placing on them. Hmm, similar to what I’ve always told my athletes! Anyway, they always say acceptance is the first step, so writing this stuff down has helped me understand that I’m making the right moves. Let’s see how this goes…
