Oh, my dear, if only you knew where you’d be today. You’ve moved all over the country, achieved just part of your dream of being involved in professional soccer with more to come (I believe!), you’ve learned how to love yourself and some other really special people in your life, and have grown up so, so much. Oh, and you’ve finally figured out your skincare routine, so good job there. P.S. The trick is just to wear sunscreen all the time outside and buy the correct type of lotion for your skin AND the climate you’re in.
Just so you know, future you has figured out (mostly) the lactose intolerance thing. What it comes down to is that…you discovered lactase pills actually work for you and sometimes the ice cream is worth it. Also, just so you know, 5-year plans are fun n cute n interesting at the time but things don’t always go the way you planned. And that’s okay too. Maybe they don’t go the way you planned, but…the universe has a fun way of making things happen.
Hey, so when you first start your rotation at the high school, you won’t really understand how to gain the respect of your athletes. And you’ll learn that it’s always better to start out very professionally and then slowly warm up because going the other way is REALLY hard. That’s a lesson that will stick with you pretty much forever. Also, you are going to learn that people really do care for you, because your preceptor, as goofy as he is, will get serious and show you multiple times that you can talk to him about anything. So get really good at your death stare because you’ll need it when a small 16-year old boy says “oh shit, we got a Chinese bitch up in here?” Have fun with that, but not too much fun… And when a wildly inappropriate coach is bothering you, there will always be someone willing to listen to your concerns, even if you have to talk to try a few times. But you’ll learn how to rip tape, deal with thunderstorm delays for your first ever football game (a 3 hour delay, where 3 hours is the maximum before cancellation, for a sport you hate is irony at it’s finest…get used to it), learn how to clean a wrestling mat during a match (don’t spray too much and don’t wear light khaki pants), and how to have a generally enjoyable time in the athletic training room.
Ahh, yes, softball. Here’s where you’ll learn that you’re not as outgoing as you thought you were (and you’ll be told to work on it but you’ll struggle with it because you’re comparing yourself to the senior student and hating yourself for not being good enough but you ARE) and you’ll learn a little bit about the wonders of wearing sweatpants for Saturday morning practices. Oh and you’ll learn how to be grateful that your team doesn’t just chant the entire game. You’ll joke about getting MRSA from the indoor fields but still nervously clean wounds very thoroughly. You’ll wonder why the GA drinks 5 cups of coffee a day (which you will figure out in grad school, my friend), and you’ll learn just how unforgiving double headers are in the cold. But it’s also how you started actually liking softball and baseball! Either way, it was a good semester clinically…but not personally. And it’s no intentional fault of yours. You just didn’t understand what it meant to take ownership for yourself and ask for help for the things you needed…but you also didn’t know what you needed. Which was a hard look in the mirror, a small slap in the face, but then ultimately, someone to look up to and lean on. You’ll still continue to struggle with that but…if only you knew then that it will get so much better.
Then comes soccer. You were so lucky that your clinical coordinator actually seemed to understand exactly what you needed — you get to work with men’s AND women’s soccer teams, a dream come true. And you get two preceptors. This is precisely when things start turning around. You manage to meet some ATs who have a profound effect on you regarding evidence-based medicine and the research side of things, and although you’ll struggle earlier on that semester…you will manage to learn SO MUCH from your preceptors. By the end of the semester — you are for some reason more confident, more excited about rehab, and feeling more confident about your own physical chronic pain that has been in your head for much too long. You’ll also start going to therapy willingly and even try some anxiety meds for awhile…and this is when you start addressing the anxiety that has been giving you so much trouble and giving you stomach-aches and daily making you worry that you have enough food with you, because what if you go hungry (which will only make your stomach hurt more). You will have a tough semester, but one of the highlights will be knowing how much some of your athletes enjoyed and appreciated you — it will give you that confidence to know you’ll work well with soccer players, and it will tell you that you don’t only love the sport…but also the artistry, the science, and the thoughtfulness involved. You will always smile when people tell you soccer is boring because you know that it is the complete opposite and in 5 years from now, you’ll realize it’s just another one of your quirks.
Wrestling will be your biggest turning point in school. It’s a shame that it took you this long to realize that you don’t have to do it all on your own. And for the main reason that you could have made your life so much easier this whole time. You’ll learn that it’s okay to do things slowly as long as they get done — just because other people are doing things speedily, it doesn’t mean you have to as well. You’ll learn how to deal with a very tumultuous season and a lot of dramatic, scary moments — but you will also begin running your own rehabs and seeing what works and what doesn’t. You’ll get these great reminders during your mid-semester evaluations that 1) being an athletic trainer means leaning on the people around you to learn, grow, and listen to and 2) these criticisms are not meant to push you down, but to help build you up. Oh also, this is where you get inspired to get your CSCS and little did you know just how much that would come in handy a few years later. See how everything works out?
There’s a lot that comes in the years following, and as crushing as it will be to not get into any graduate schools the first time around (you will totally overestimate your abilities but…it’s fine), the truth is that it just was not your time. You needed a year to grow and realize just how much you wanted some more structure in life. You not only write letters to all the Major League Soccer teams because why not, right — you actually get a few emails back, and then eventually, an internship in the most beautiful state you wish you could call home forever. That is where you’ll come to understand just how hard you are on yourself…and that it’s ok to make mistakes, because that is how we grow. It will be eye-opening, painful, and wonderful all at the same time. And here’s the thing, you’ll make it into grad school the second time around by the skin of your teeth — but you will end up exactly where you’re meant to be. You get to do your own research project and hopefully you’ll end up with 2 papers because you accidentally collected too much data. It will be a dream come true, and although it will be the hardest two years of your life, you’ll learn so much. And this is where you’ll know that you are going to get a PhD someday — because that is just how much you love research and asking questions.
I think the hardest thing for you was that you didn’t realize just how hard on yourself you were until a few months after graduation. But I can look back and recall some exact moments — one, you were practicing proficiencies at soccer practice and you were nervous, you felt awkward, and you just really didn’t want to try unless you knew it was correct. It didn’t help that you were (and still are, a little bit), terrified of what people think of you. You didn’t care if they really liked you…but you didn’t want them to think that you were an idiot. You will continue to make mistakes like that…but you will learn from them, and that is all anyone can ask of you. You’ll develop this small little catch phrase where you tell yourself to just “do better the next time”, because how are you supposed to know what you don’t know? You will learn to wrestle with your deepest thoughts and find out more about why you are the way you are, and you will learn to love doing that. You will also learn that it’s okay to have emotions, and that even though you cry a lot — it may just be a physical reaction to any emotion, it does not dictate your level of emotion and it does not make you weak.
Look, there are things I’m worrying about for my future — but if life can turn out so weirdly wonderfully 5 years from where you are — doesn’t that mean everything will be ok? As much as I hate these mosquitoes and wish I weren’t dealing with so many thunderstorms right now — it’s all going to work out, somehow or another. Oh also, 5 years from when you’re reading this, there will be a worldwide pandemic, death hornets from China, insane hurricanes and tornadoes, and you won’t be able to go out to bars and do fun things for at least 5 months and it will be horrifying. I know you don’t believe me, but I guess my advice to you is to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. Also, always improvise, adapt, and overcome.
Other tips:
- stop trying to grow your hair out long it’s NOT CUTE because it’s too thin and you look somewhat older with short hair anyway, so just get it together
- learn how to laugh at yourself because it’ll make life so much easier
- be better at hydrating because I’m somehow worse at it today
- maybe learn how to change a flat tire on your own…you’ll wish you learned one day, trust me…
- learn how to ask people for help when you really need it. learn how to offer your help to people when you’re able to
- communicate. that’s actually all that matters. I think 99% of our problems could be solved this way. yes, it’s true, I’m a genius.
- don’t get frustrated by the results you didn’t get from the work you didn’t do. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF, MY FRIEND! as much as you can be because sometimes others are responsible for things too. it just depends.
- oh right. my least favorite piece of advice is…it always depends…it’s like a love hate thing which is why I got a sticker for it. it reminds me that there is always a grey area in life, athletic training, and love. something like that.
Time to go and practice the Olympic lifts you ignored for much too long…good luck! To both of us!
Love,
Jen
