I wanted to talk about being an Asian athletic trainer. Athletic trainers are healthcare professionals who work in a variety of settings to ensure that patients (athletes, workers, etc.) are performing at their peak and returning to perform if they undergo a setback. We evaluate, identify and manage acute and chronic injuries and conditions, and collaborate with other healthcare professionals to ensure the job is well done. We live to serve and care about people. But still yet, people misunderstand what we do. Perhaps it’s because we do work in so many different settings and we are so versatile. I think it’s important to talk about being an athletic trainer while being Asian because we truly are unique…in career choice and within the career field itself.
But I guess I’d like to make some disclaimers. I’m not here to tell you that I’m suffering massively. Because I know that my experiences are very different from other people of color. Now, I heard one of my favorite people on a podcast say to his Asian producer, “well, you know, your people haven’t really suffered in this country” (although he is very wrong, he was speaking very matter-of-factly and it was a piece) and I thought, well…we actually have a history of mistreatment. Asian people have been regarded as the yellow peril, worked themselves to death on railroads, been interned in camps. But I fully recognize that’s history (if you didn’t know about the history, it’s very interesting!).
In this day and age, no, there’s not nearly as much mistreatment — but it still exists (Asian people all over the country are being physically hurt for “having COVID” — which is odd because if they have it…why go near them? Ya know?). I am not here to complain, or to demand anything. I’m here to tell a story because as unremarkable as my own is, I think it’ll give insight into being an Asian athletic trainer and just how unique we are…and how different Asians can be from each other.
I’m just here to tell my story and give a little insight into what I’ve perceived of the Asian community. First, a little bit of how I grew up and came to be an athletic trainer while being Asian…and then we’ll get into what’s going on now. I genuinely feel like I am coming from the outside of the Asian community for quite a few reasons. I grew up in a Chinese church community, yet the Asians I was around in high school were primarily Korean (the neighboring one had all the Chinese kids I knew), and the specific neighborhood area I grew up in was incredibly white. And my parents raised us very differently from my other Asian friends and I was able to see what was going on in their worlds without being mixed up by mine. To be even more specific, I was a first-generation Chinese-American kid growing up in the Northeast near a large city. This is important for later.
My parents really tried to fit in and Americanize the best they could without losing their culture and they struck a perfect balance. They made us take responsibility for things. Made us make our own choices and let us suffer if we chose wrong in order to learn. Made us independent. Made us do chores and help out and enjoy doing projects and things around the house. And they didn’t force me to study for the SATs for 3 years before I took them like all my friends. And they let us have lives. Someone asked me why I felt like my parents tried to Americanize us so much and what I realized is that they simply chose to raise us in a way that I believe appears more American — more independence and forcing us to learn our own lessons. But I don’t know what their intention of doing this was.
I had just heard stories about just how strict my grandparents were, but that was just how it was in China. My parents also didn’t grow up the way they are living now — now my dad exercises for fun, but as a kid, he always had to walk quite a ways to get to school. And things like meats and eggs were pretty rare. They were raised in communist China and my dad told me stories of a few times where he had to go dig trenches (or something?) for the neighborhood and he and his classmates were quite excited and eager to be there without realizing what was really happening. So they had to go through a lot and I think they wanted to get away from that by moving here. It’s always insane to me to think about what they’ve been through, I can’t even say “I could imagine”, because I can’t. My parents have been able to give me a wonderful life.
But when I was younger I couldn’t decide how I felt about being Asian. I hated being made fun of, but I loved learning about my background (I remember proudly having my mom come into school during the Lunar New Year to teach my classmates about things and make lanterns and eat Chinese snacks…but remember being called a stupid little Chinese girl by a rude child. Man, he was the worst). I also just really hated being stereotyped, I guess, so I tried to run really far from that. In high school, I bragged about not getting good grades because I thought I was being a rebel when I was really just scared to try and potentially fail (an unfortunate guiding factor for a lot of my life). I loved that I played water polo because I mean, “it wasn’t tennis”, and it made me feel strong, and I was strong — my mom always wondered if I really wanted those muscles. But it was like I felt more pride in being different than doing what was good for myself. Someone asked if I felt more pressure to “feel more white”…in a way, yeah, but I thought of it more as pressure to “feel less asian” in order to belong. But, semantics, not the biggest deal right now.
One of the biggest difficulties was that when I was going through my athletic training program, my parents constantly asked me if this was what I wanted to do. They were confused on job prospects, salary, etc., as they had never seen this kind of job before. But like I said, they let me choose. But for some other Asian people, the disapproval from parents can be a huge point of contention in the family. This is an entire other level of pressure. They want doctors or physical therapists or PAs. And it’s not out of spite (well…at least it wasn’t for my parents!). Part of it is not understanding what athletic training is, and another part of it is that for immigrants — the reason you do a lot of things is to give yourself AND your kids a better life. I know my dad wanted me to pick a career with more money because he worked to give me the best life possible — but I also know that he did that so we could choose what we wanted to do.
So when I was going through undergrad, I was dealing with this parental approval (or lack thereof), but I was also dealing with navigating the world of athletics for the first time, in a way. See, the aquatics programs in high school seemed so separate from the rest of the school. We were the bad boys of athletics, I’d say…I mean literally, I heard so many stories about previous teams/team members doing crazy things. We practiced in another building, we didn’t even see the athletic trainer and I didn’t even know he existed aside from when he substituted for classes. So I was in this new world. Collegiate athletics and WESTERN Pennsylvania? It was so different.
I got placed at a high school just about 20 minutes from downtown Pittsburgh…but it was one of the most un-diverse places I’d been. I saw very few athletes of color. Oh, and lots of Confederate flags. Just to give you a quick glimpse (the irony of these flags in the northern state of Pennsylvania was not lost on me). I remember getting along well with my preceptor though. He was goofy like me and a really great teacher. I remember this one time, I had gotten let into the school by a gym class. The door went straight to a stairwell which the class was heading up. I turned to go to the athletic training room and I heard a kid say, “Oh, we got a Chinese bitch up in here?”
I remember staring at him (to achieve my menacing stare, the trick is to soften your eyes and go cross-eyed by just a hair to give yourself that “dead behind the eyes” look) and walking towards him as everyone paused for a second. I asked him, “what did you say? What did you just say to me?” I was shocked. And all he did was stutter, “nothing”. And I told him to never say that again and walked away. I told my preceptor about it awhile later and he told me that if anything like that happened again…I could tell him and he’d chew that kid out. If you think about it, this kid was maybe 15 or 16. I mean, where did he learn that? Gross. I bring this up because it’s SO important to understand how the world reacts to us so you can help your athletes, coworkers, and just as importantly — your athletic training students.
Be there for them. Get to know them. Understand that each little difference, whether in sexuality, race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status — is going to play a part in their actions, thoughts and feelings. Understand these differences, treat them all the same, meaning treat them all wonderfully, but understand that those who are different from the majority might need some extra considerations (this is why we say to treat the human, not the injury — but treating them the “same” means we have to consider their differences). I needed to know that I could trust my preceptor with information like this. I remember sharing this and almost laughing about it just in case he took it very lightly. But I think the biggest thing is that everyone is different — sometimes you have to let them figure out how they feel about it and just support them. I was so overwhelmed with learning all the science-y stuff that I forgot to learn about people. And that is precisely why I’d love to teach in a program one day. Because I LOVE the science but I also know how important it is to love the people. It’s something I struggle with immensely but I think that’s why I could speak to it. Anyway.
The rest of my rotations in school were all in the collegiate setting (two D1, one D3). I never dealt with this type of issue again in undergrad. But I remember being super excited when I saw Asian athletes! Even from visiting teams. It was like a proud “hey, we’re proving them wrong” kinda moment. I remember that when I got to my internship with Real Salt Lake, I ran into an Asian female referee for the Real Monarchs, the USL team in the organization. And maybe she was just being nice or I misread it, but I felt like we both exchanged a look and some words that expressed “thank you for what you do, you’re a badass” in a way that only we could understand. Like, we’re ignoring everything that our parents tried to get us to do and carving our own paths. It was kinda cool.
I’m going to make this bit about grad school fast. I moved to a very un-mainlander-Asian type area. We have a big Polynesian and Pacific Islander presence, but other than that, not much else. But oddly enough, I never felt out of place, except for a small hiccup my first August. Maybe because I could occasionally share a funny story about my dad that some of my Pacific Islander athletes could completely understand, but mostly because I learned how to love who I am. Instead of becoming offended and annoyed at every teeny little stereotypical move and every little Asian joke (I have really good ears for certain words like “Asian”, “Chinese”, “blood”…that’s kinda it though) — I became more comfortable with laughing at these stereotypes because to me, it showed that I didn’t care for them. Plus, I made my own Asian jokes and people slowly began to understand where my head was. I’d speak up if it went too far, but I learned to just roll with the punches and pick my battles. It’s much easier to live life this way where you’re not mad about everything.
But everything I’m telling you…it’s just my story. Not my Asian classmate from my undergrad who grew up a little further south than me in an area where kids rode tractors to school, not my one other close Asian athletic trainer friend who grew up in the Bay Area on the entire other side of the country. Not the few that I mutually follow on Twitter, not the Asian athletic trainers who I ran into during school. Maybe we can take bits and pieces from what I’ve experienced and apply it to others, but when you’re an “Asian athletic trainer”, you also have to take into account: what country you were raised in (athletic training is also popular in South Korea and Japan!) and when you moved here if applicable (was it your parents or your great-great-grandparents?), what region of the States you grew up in, what ethnicity you are (there are a whopping 48 countries in Asia — there’s obviously room for a lot of variation), the people you grew up around. That’s why getting to know your coworkers, athletes, and athletic training students of color — especially Asians — is so important.
So, what now? I’m moving to Atlanta, which is very diverse, but it appears that the rest of the state isn’t. I’ve lived in both types of areas and I have loved and hated them both for various reasons. I have no clue what will happen. But I do know that I have big goals in terms of diversity in the field of athletic training. I also wanted to talk what everyone can do to help with making a little more room in your heart for your Asian coworkers, athletes, and athletic training students. To me, the biggest thing is awareness that we are different — from the general public in the States and from each other. Some may not want to be considered American and have no qualms about seeming foreign — while I’ve tried really hard in the past not to “seem foreign”. It all depends, our favorite answer as rehab experts. But just know that we all have our own voices and that is all that matters.
I can speak to being Asian as an athletic training student — just be there for us. We’re learning so much in a rather small amount of time. It can be really overwhelming. No need for coddling in one sense, but be ready for cultural and even behavioral differences. We really have different love languages and communication styles. I’m very action-oriented and I love words from other people, but I tend to forget that it goes both ways. I think that there’s a specific type of love from Asian parents (and I guess in this case, immigrant Asian parents) — it’s very much “I’m doing this for you and it means I love you, why should I have to say this to you too?” Something I had to learn in grad school was that some patients just need to hear it from your mouth and know that you care about them. I also have very different views on medications and dealing with sicknesses. I was embarrassed in undergrad because I didn’t understand what medications were used for what, which ones I could combine, etc., and I felt stupid. It was frustrating. Know that these things happen.
As for being a coworker to an Asian athletic trainer — really just don’t set our boundaries for us. I joked around with a white coworker who was from a similar area as me (clear on the other side of the country though) and had quite a number of Asian friends growing up — we made jokes about math (which I am terrible at), and talked very comfortably about all of this stuff. Also, as for asking about one’s ethnicity…insert laughing emoji. I usually don’t mind and will just understand the curiosity even if they ask me “where are you from?”, and I’ll answer with a big grin because I’m probably giggling at the unnecessary awkwardness of the question-asker and also trying to give them a more…widely-accepted method of asking for their future use (after being in various subsets of the subtle asian traits facebook groups, I’ve seen it all).
As for being an athletic trainer to Asian athletes (especially in the collegiate setting, since there are very few and I was NOT an athlete myself) — just be there, listen, and do your best. It’s similar to having an athletic training student, but there is one key difference. As athletic trainers it is emphasized that we are part of the team, but not on the team. While it can sometimes feel isolating, it’s the best way for us to earn and maintain respect. Although we spend a lot of time with athletes, they spend the most time with each other — team meetings, travel trips, even hanging out outside of sports. My favorite thing is that athletes tend to be very socialized and good at being friendly with anyone, so that’s just wonderful. But we are the eyes and ears of the team so sometimes, as much as we wouldn’t like to get involved — if there is mistreatment (and not just for Asian athletes, of course, for anyone), we may be able to do something about it, even if it’s just offering a listening ear to someone.
What I’ve come to realize is that I don’t care what random strangers on the street do. I don’t care if I’m out to dinner and at the same hibachi table, some idiot on a date mimics an Asian accent for something dumb (a true and generally very annoying story). Because I’m never going to see them again, and knowing that she was raised in the current bubble she lived in (meaning, an area with not much diversity) — it starts to matter a little less compared to the people I’m around everyday at work. And I’ve also learned that when it comes to making a difference, sometimes it is just one person at a time. So for me to potentially be able to reach any of my athletic training colleagues out there — that is just one thing I can start with.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that changing people’s minds or people accepting new information is a choice they make for themselves. I will present facts and information and if I get lucky, then our thought processes might align just a little bit more. You, the reader, may have met an Asian person who feels the exact opposite way I do. But that’s why learning to understand diversity is so interesting — you learn that just because we as a group have similar appearances, we don’t all believe the same things or feel the same way. And you learn that just because we as a whole look “different” from the majority, we don’t all have the same mindset. Being Asian-American to me means celebrating my culture and my background, but it also means that I am also part of this country like anyone else! All the people who matter to me, and all the athletic trainers I’ve met have never expressed once that I don’t belong. And that has become more and more important to me as I grow older and it’s much easier to accept now. If I’m going to accept differences and freedom of speech and belief for one subset of people…I’ll do it for everyone.
Hopefully, if you made it this far, this gave you a little insight into who I am and what matters to me. But more importantly, maybe everything makes a lot more sense now. Maybe you’ll meet an Asian person who has completely opposing views — and also understand that I learned most of these things just within the last year at age 24–25. Meaning younger kids may be in a different place. Anyway, maybe you’ll be able to make small tweaks to what you are doing. And I’m an open book. Open for discussion, questions, anything. When my emotions are off the table (regarding this situation, it’s taken awhile, but I feel like I’m finally there), I can be very matter-of-fact and logical and hopefully we can have a good conversation. But probably with a few more choice words and lots of humor and sarcasm (see: most of my statements in the parentheses).
