I’m beginning to believe it’s more common than people think.
Most would imagine it means you think less, you don’t ruminate, and your life is a bit easier — the opposite of an “overthinker”. Well, it’s quite the opposite, at least in my definition. It does not refer to thinking of something less. It actually means your brain, your soul and your feelings are working on overdrive, but at a very low capacity. That’s the key here.
It means you’re not thinking clearly. It means you’ll jump to any new conclusion faster than a jackrabbit because you have nothing else, or it’s just the newest thing to hold onto because you simply need an explanation.
Most of the time, it involves other people, because that’s the majority of our thinking, right? Where and who we are in the world, often compared to others. So it means that you’re allowing no room for error in others. In a sense, you believe in them too hard. You believe that they can only stick to their beliefs and ways, that they can’t stray. It’s both expecting too much, forgetting they are human…and then overall, forgetting to look at yourself in the process, because you’ve erred as well in the past.
So let me give an example: let’s say you have a new friend, and you have been talking pretty regularly, maybe a few days a week. Suddenly, they drop off and don’t respond to you as much anymore, and they aren’t making great conversation. You, as a chronic overthinker, jump to one, absolute conclusion led there by one, absolute train of thought. You believe they don’t like you anymore, and you believe there are simply no other reasons.
Simply put, it’s a very black-and-white way of thinking. I suppose you could call it a grey area as well, because sometimes it’s not even two options, it’s just one that you can see, at least.
Okay, so then what happens? A week later, they come back and they say, hey, sorry — life got crazy. My grandpa died, I had a big exam, and I was just really stressed and tired.
And then, you, the chronic underthinker, understand for a good bit of time. You feel bad that you expected so much from them, and you feel bad that you got upset over something so ridiculous. You are okay again.
And then, you, the chronic underthinker, begins to think again, but without understanding there are multiple ways of thinking and coping. You think, well wait, if they were struggling so much, why didn’t they reach out to me? I certainly would have. Maybe they don’t think I’m a true friend, maybe we’re growing apart.
Good lord. Do you see where this leads? And most importantly, see how closed-off this type of thinking can be? Not only do you take just one, sometimes ridiculous train of thought, but you also don’t realize how closed-off you’re being until it’s almost too late. And secondly, you again, are not allowing for others to have human error OR human differences. You forget that other humans have other ways of coping…crazy, right? You underthink. You forget to open your little mind up and see the world in…50 shades of grey or all the colors of the rainbow.
I’m not here to say this is absolutely a bad or good thing. See here, I’m already trying to avoid the absolutes! Good. Hey, dogs see in black-and-white so that’s not the worst thing in the world, right? They’re cute!
I’m here to say…it’s important to make these realizations but even more important to identify how you can work to change yourself in the future. This affects friendships, relationships, work, meeting new people, and being with yourself and it’s truly an awful experience.
Now obviously not everyone is like this. I came to thinking about this because the church in Utah that I went to last summer is a bit obsessed with personality types and the Enneagram personality test. I am a bit obsessed as well, but I sort of forgot about it as I was going through a big struggle and transition these past few weeks.
I was reminded of it a few days ago, and I’ve been thinking of it ever since. As a type 1, a “rational, idealistic” type. I believe things ought to be a certain way, and if they’re not, I’m uncomfortable, which manifests in some sort of instant negative feeling, especially if I’ve had some sort of past experience. It’s definitely great, it means I stick to my guns and am able to “logic out” my thoughts and emotions. However, sometimes I stick so hard to what I’ve believed for so long, that logic won’t even help me get to different explanations for life.
So where this comes into play with “underthinking” is that you definitely can’t get worked up over other people’s wrongs that don’t affect you. Don’t be self-righteous, because that’s going to happen, like I said above. Don’t be offended what people choose to do, don’t approach them immediately with that, because it definitely turns people off from you. I think the key here is that you shouldn’t take things personally because they’re trying to live their lives the way that you are. Unless, of course, they meant for you to take it personally, but that’s another whole ball game.
In being self-righteous, you again are saying to yourself that you are better than them. You’re saying that you make the rules for what is right vs. wrong in life. There are 800 things wrong with that sentence. First, we don’t make the rules for what is right vs. wrong. We make them for ourselves, I suppose. But not for others. Second, is there really a hard “right” vs. “wrong”? There are moral grey areas, for sure, and to confine our thinking (and others) to such absolute areas really hampers our growth and our relationships.
So basically, don’t underthink or overthink (whatever this means…is it even a real thing anymore? HA). Instead, OPEN up that big fat head of yours and think of all the possibilities before you begin to panic. Be patient with others, and remember to allow for human difference and error in others AND yourself. Not because you’re gracious or anything, “forgiving” others and such, because that’s a very obnoxious way of thinking. Be that way because that’s just how the world works and for the love of god, make your life easier.
I haven’t thought of new content in a very long time. Oh, this opens up doors like no other. I’ll be back with more, probably tomorrow…it’s my first day of work!
