I never speak much about achieving a dream. I tend to use the word goal. Not that I’m absurdly pragmatic or anything, but a dream seems so far away and illogical. And sometimes impossible. It seems so far away, in fact, that it seems unwise to even try. Perhaps I don’t call them dreams because of that fear. Perhaps it seems easier to stay away and “stay grounded”.
I was recently reminded that I moved across the country by myself to basically start a new life and figure things out. It’s definitely been tough. I left a place that felt like home. It still feels a little bit like home, 6 months later, to be honest, because I just feel like a visitor in Atlanta. I still feel like there’s a piece of myself missing and I left it in Utah, but unfortunately life goes on and if you don’t do the same, you’ll get left behind. So I was reminded that I left to chase my dream and I can’t help but think just how accurate that statement was.
I had to take a leap because if I didn’t then, maybe I was never going to. I had to know what I’m capable of and it turns out, a lot more than I thought. And here I am, realizing that I am actually, currently, legitimately getting to chase a dream. I have an incredible job that is tough and challenging in the right ways, and I have an amazing future opportunity that still doesn’t seem real. I don’t know how I got this life, but I am grateful for it everyday.
Now, of course — it’s easy to assume that I’m happy all the time. But I’m not. I’m struggling with loneliness and satisfaction outside of work because, let’s be real, I can’t do much outside of work. I posted the other day that when I was working a baseball game in the sunshine, I felt at peace. But it seems like the good moments are more rare than the tough and more mundane moments. I was excited to write about feeling at peace because it was nice to feel something different for once. Or really, something at all.
I recently realized that chasing a dream is not always easy. I mean, I always knew this, but I didn’t get to experience it until very recently. Sometimes it takes a big sacrifice. Sometimes it takes awhile to get there, and honestly, sometimes it should because it means it’s worth it! Instant gratification is overrated. Anyway, sometimes you get there, and then another dream pops up that you have to chase again. Which actually is probably a good thing, because complacency = bad. Very eloquent, I know.
I am exhausted so I’m not quite sure why I wrote this, and I’m not sure it sounds very good at all. I just know it’s important for me to remember why I’m here. To remember why I chose this, and to remember that I chose this. No one forced me to, aside from the job market, but I decided to do this. I can’t get mad at the things I personally chose to do! It seems so obvious, but it’s a lot easier said than done. Writing this has also helped me realize that I’ve become complacent yet again. I am not using the free time I have very wisely. So it’s time to remember to do the things that will help me succeed so I can chase yet another dream :)
