What I’ve realized is that for an honest effort…you really have to get someone else involved. You have to know what you generally want to do…but the idea is that as you go towards that goal, there will be moments where 1) you have no clue what to do, or 2) you don’t know WHAT on earth your mentor/partner/whatever will ask you to do to achieve that, but you will do it because you know they have your best interest at heart.
Does that make sense? I haven’t been able to practice this in AGES. I haven’t been able to just sit and wonder what I’m going to learn — and I know, that’s just part of being a student/intern, so I’m not asking for someone to do my job of continuing education for me. I’m asking for someone to be a mentor so that we can teach each other (mainly, I’m just sure that person may learn a lot of patience dealing with me…I promise I’m fun & funny but…it can be a lot), and so that I can be challenged super incredibly hard.
I was sitting here at my kitchen table for a mentorship program I’m trying to organize, for which I’m trying to be a mentor AND mentee, although I wonder if that’s possible…and I’m definitely going to need someone else to pick a mentor for me because there’s no way I can be unbiased. But anyway. I was trying to figure out exactly why I want a mentor. I mean, we all know the basics. Guidance, networking, advice, a great relationship. But this is the real thing: I want to remind myself that I have a wonderful network of athletic trainers and that I don’t need to do everything on my own.
Why yes, I am worried that this makes me sound weak, lazy, and unwilling to do my own work. But on the other hand, I am able to admit what I need and while I hate feeling like I am weak…it just means I can get so much stronger.
But what can I do right now? I can start with small things. We’re currently using google drive/forms/sites and surely there will be things that we disagree on, or things others do that we dislike. But it’s always good to talk about it, and I plan to practice this just by choosing to shut up or choosing to bring something up if it’s important to me. Life is all about choices.
I decided to become the secretary (of sorts, nothing formal) to organize all our ideas because I mean, who doesn’t like being in charge of that and making sure everyone does their job? (If it weren’t clear, I’m a good organizer and delegator, but I talk too quickly and write too much to be the leader that I think I am). But other people are going to bring up ideas that I may be unsure about, and similarly, other people may think that one of my ideas isn’t that great. But the good thing is that we don’t just tell each other no, we talk about it. It’s much easier to let go of control when you actually voice your opinions. I’m going to work on making sure we have these conversations when we need it.
Reading a book — I recently saw a tweet where they talked about high anxiety people not watching new TV shows because the unpredictable nature is too much. That, and familiar background noise allows me to “multitask” on my phone more easily, which is a terrible habit. But this another reason why I’ve realized I’m scared to read a book. What if…I don’t like it? What if I don’t understand parts of it? I’m talking about non-fiction, self-help-ish books right now, but yes, you heard correctly — even the unknown-ish aspect of a book where the subject is prominently displayed on the cover can be too much for me (Conscious Coaching is on the table…and I mean literally, it’s right in front of me. I want to read it but what if I struggle with it? EEK!). So. I’m going to read it. Oh, also if you’re wondering how I’m dealing with COVID? I feel like it’s so far out of my control zone that all I can do is do my best to tackle it. That’s kinda cool but also terrifying? Hmm.
Honestly. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got right now. And I’m sure you’re all asking, how did I of all people choose a career that can be so unpredictable at times? Mainly, my love for what I do surpasses all the struggles I know I’ll have to overcome…over and over, because I’m not perfect. It’s just ironic because there are so many things that can go wrong. First, any injury occurring is unpredictable (although I know we have a sixth sense of sorts). Secondly, players, coaches, practice schedules and games will change due to weather, other people being in charge, and mostly just other people. Gross, right? And these things barely scratch the surface. You may face horribly difficult people, people who don’t believe you or IN you, people who don’t want to listen to you — and sometimes dealing with people can be the hardest part of your job. They can change a job from your favorite to the worst ever, or vice versa.
How do we navigate a world where our emotions and subsequent actions (although hey — our emotions are NOT facts and shouldn’t tell us what to do, they should give us information on what to do) can so heavily rely on other things being messed up? Ok, so maybe every profession could arguably be in this boat, but I’m especially in this boat and I know it. I’m just trying to figure it out…so if you should like to come along for the ride as mentor, mentee, buddy, professional colleague, best friend, do let me know. Applications to follow soon.
