I have a very good memory for faces. I remember things that maybe most people don’t. I remember so many athletes, even if they don’t always remember me. They’ve touched my life in countless ways, and I want to dedicate this to them. I would not be the person I am today without having met them. The smiles and laughter shared, the trust that was built, every single little thing.
To my first football team I worked with — thank you for showing me grit. From not winning games for 3 years in a row, to winning 2 games — I felt so blessed to have witnessed such a feat. I’m grateful to the coach who felt comfortable enough with me to find it hilarious that I was on the screen of a Pitt basketball game in complete disarray at the state of the team (we were losing, naturally) — he sent a picture of it to my preceptor, who taped it to the office window in the athletic training room. Something seemingly small, but actually very powerful. I’m even grateful for the first football game I worked being delayed 3 hours because I learned about hard work & waiting & just letting life…do it’s thing.
To my softball team — thank you for showing me that building relationships with athletes is not always easy. I had to realize that I needed to be the bigger person and take that first step. I’m grateful that I learned how to operate in a dugout, how to love ball and bat sports. I learned that it’s very easy for me to be invested into something when I know the people behind the thing — which I’m sure a lot of people go through, but I just loved learning that was something I was capable of. But thank you for welcoming me, even though I felt like the most awkward person in the world at the time.
To my first soccer team— guys, you immediately welcomed me. I truly felt like part of the team. I felt respected, even though it was obvious I was still learning. It was one of my favorite rotations in school because it was soccer, but it also proved to me that being female and working with men’s sports is…easy, if you let it be easy. A few months after my rotation ended, my preceptor texted me that you guys thought I was great. That meant more than anything to me, as someone who was struggling to know if I was making an impact on anyone — if I mattered at all. I got a text from a classmate too, saying that you guys told her you missed me. I still have screenshots of these texts somewhere because that’s just how much y’all meant to me. You kept me sane in one of the hardest semesters of my life. And girls, I didn’t work with you as much — but I was grateful that you trusted me during some really tough injuries. I had so much fun on the sidelines during games, I was just happy to be there!
To my wrestling team — guys, I know it was one of the hardest seasons. SO much happened, and nothing was easy. I’m glad I was there to support you as much as I could. I learned about some of the toughest athletes in the world, and I came to enjoy every single moment of being in that wrestling room because there was so much…thinking during practices. The problem-solving, focus, and grit required for wrestling was amazing to witness. I remember visiting campus the next year, sitting in on practice, and smiling and waving at the guys I knew — I felt like I was home again. And to hear from some that I was your favorite student…thank you. I know it can be a bit arrogant to bring that up, but it was the most incredible confidence-builder you could imagine. It was another moment where I could breathe a sigh of relief and just think to myself…I matter. I’m in the right place, doing the right thing, even if it feels like nothing.
To my second soccer team — I dreamt for a few years of one day working with Major League soccer players. And…I got there, somehow. An internship, but I still was incredibly grateful. You guys were incredibly professional and polite, and I was in awe everyday of the work you put in to get better. I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without you. I loved the funny moments where some of you would hide behind corners and jump out to scare us, and I learned to appreciate the moments you would help us carry coolers to the benches before practices. Truly an unforgettable experience.
To my second football team — and especially my DBs, thank you. I felt appreciated, and I remember — I learned about running with water bottle racks to give athletes water at my internship (not required, but…why not?) — someone thanked me for doing that specifically. I didn’t do it for praise or to be liked more than anyone else, it just felt like the right thing. It just made sense to me. Thanks for letting me be a part of your healing process — and doing the rehab exercises even when you didn’t really want to. And thank you coaches for welcoming me…not athletes, per se, but still important to me.
To my volleyball team — thank you for letting me feel like part of the team. I remember someone said “I wish you were actually on our team!” I laughed because I’m extremely clumsy and that would never happen, but I felt like I mattered in that moment. I struggled for a few months to feel important or necessary, and I learned that my own irrational doubts did not help. Later on, even though I was incredibly stressed with my research project — I could count on smiling and laughing at practice and truly feeling like a family. I know it was a really tough season but we made it through. Though I never got to say a true, formal goodbye…I am grateful that I met each and every one of you. I still have a few notes and cards from you telling me how grateful you were for me — how do I begin to tell you how grateful I was for you?? Thank you for letting me a part of your healing process and showing me what it’s like to be some of the toughest athletes around.
To my baseball team — man, I will not forget you. My last team, my best team, the team that actually felt like mine — I was no longer “just” a graduate student, or an intern. It was just me, and I was welcomed and trusted and appreciated. I still can’t put into words how much you meant to me. In the hardest and loneliest season of my life, you guys let me in and let me be myself — the first time I have really felt like I could do that with athletes (it isn’t anything on previous athletes, this was just an incredible year of growth and I also started to feel more comfortable with myself). Thank you everyday for reminding me how weird you guys are, because it made me realize that weird is okay, sometimes even good. The banter in the dugouts, the training room visits, the jokes we traded, and the conversations on bus rides about life and the future — these are the things I’ll truly remember. Someone once said that I was their favorite teammate, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. I wish I could bottle up every memory to look back on in my tough moments in the future, because I know I’ll smile and remember what it felt like to be home.
So, I’ll now no longer be working clinically. For the foreseeable future, at least. While this is the most dramatic and cheesiest thing I’ve written, it’s something very important I needed to get out (soundtrack/playlist to my tears here). I managed to run into a former athlete I worked with for a few weeks at a local college during my athletic training program. While he didn’t remember me, it was definitely a hilarious coincidence, and it reminded me that I’ll always remember my athletes…and that reminded me that my former athletes will always carry a special place in my heart.
I’m moving in 4 days to start this distinctly new chapter in my life, and it took me until this very moment to realize just how much of an impact my former athletes have had on me — and it’s weird, because as athletic trainers, we often think about the impact we can have on athletes. Which is very important…but maybe we need to stop and smell the roses more often.
