On trusting the process and being patient

As you know, I’ve been applying to graduate schools. Part of me is freaking out, but at the same time, I’m also very calm. But then, I’m freaking out because I’m so calm. Shouldn’t I actually be sitting at home, crying, laying in bed, and just hoping I’ll get into my dream school??

Okay, I could be doing that. But thankfully I’m not. I’ve come to terms with the fact that life doesn’t always play out how you want it, and honestly, after talking with friends, I’ve been doing better. A lot of them have said to me, hey, Jen, I know you’ll land on your feet. You always do. And then, a lot of them are in the same boat as me. I mean hey, one of them has actually gotten INTO a graduate program, but shh. A lot of my friends are applying for jobs and basically…waiting. So I realized I’m not alone, and the best thing to do to feel better is to spend time with my buddies are are just like me.

I still have a week or two before I find out about my top choice, but I’m so grateful that I have time to go to the gym to de-stress, and that I have an amazing clinical rotation with a great team, and that I have time to read books and articles about rehab and injuries and…actually see my friends, who have been absolute blessings in my life lately.

I’ve already done all I can for this school, and I’ve done my best. I did the best I could in my interview, and maybe I could have looked a little earlier in January for other graduate school postings, but I didn’t, oops. It’s too late now to change anything, and for me, knowing that I’ve done my best actually is enough. I’m actually okay with that.

I also applied to a California school, and I’m hoping also that they would take me. I don’t know which school I’d pick if I got both, but the chance to work with men’s water polo is too amazing to pass up. So, we’ll see.

Also, it sucks seeing that some of my classmates actually have choices in where they want to go. Like, they were accepted at multiple places. It kinda hurts, but I’ll end up where I belong, I always do.

So, trusting the process means that I will end up exactly where I belong. It means that it’s a two-way street — I have to fit the school, and the school has to fit me. By doing my best and being purely myself, I’m giving my options over to “the process” and trusting that they’ll make the best choice.

Or maybe I’m just telling myself all this, but hey, at least I’m trying.

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Jen Xu

Jen Xu

Athletic trainer, coffee lover, looking for a hobby I don’t have time for. I write about fitness, mental health, being Asian-American, and personal growth.