Sometimes I wonder if our Asian parents suckered us into this. We’re not supposed to feel. We’re supposed to be ok with everything that happens to us, turn the other cheek, and try again. Which is nothing to laugh at, because it’s really hard and it’s impressive. And honestly sometimes is a good way to deal with bad people and situations. But sometimes we take it too far and are too quiet around injustice. But what if we could just have emotions about things that happen to us, and then try again? Clearheaded, safe, and secure.
I was reading a book recently where the main character said “Ignoring negative emotions makes them bigger”. And it’s true. As a kid, I would argue with my parents a lot. Loudly, too. And they just wanted me to stop being angry and fighting them. But reaching for that before I was ready only made me angrier. I would say, “hey this is upsetting me”, and they would say “well it can’t”, and I would try to say it louder and louder because maybe I just wanted someone to listen to me, and that just…wouldn’t work. Was it my middle-child status? The world will never know, but I’m sure it played a role. Anyway.
I feel like people often view emotions this way: “Feelings don’t matter, because they’re not real. Bad things can happen to anyone, and you’re not allowed to be mad”. As a teen, I was told in a therapy session that anger is just frustration about your situation. I was then told that I could just stop being angry if I just thought about it like a traffic light. Yellow, slow down. Red, fully stop. Green…
