I’m embarking on this idea of…writing about things that I don’t realllly feel like writing about. Or when I see a prompt that doesn’t automatically click — I’ll try it. I almost wrote that I want to try it, but I don’t really want to, I just will because I need to. It’s time for some challenges and to write about new things instead of recycling the same old stuff all the time. I’ll get my prompts from this. I guess that makes me feel powerful. When I try something really new because I’m kinda a big fat scaredy cat.
I guess I don’t think about power much. I don’t think about feeling powerful because I don’t feel like I need it in order to make decisions. Which…could explain my indecisive-ness. So maybe that’s not such a good thing. Huh. I’m legitimately stumped right now and writing about it might be a fun way to fight through it.
Maybe I don’t think about power because I feel like I’ve never had it. I know that I have had a serving heart since I was a kid and when you are constantly trying to help other people, you don’t think about power much. But I think that is one of the most powerful things you can do — helping people. Whether you’re doing it out of selfish motives or out of a genuine caring intention, you can then suddenly choose to stop helping (dark, I know, but hang on, I’m getting there). In the cases where you’re not forced to care for someone but you do…or if you are forced to care for someone but you go above and beyond your expectations, you do have the power to keep helping or just walk away.
So then I think the power lies in kindness, because that kindness is a choice. I feel like power has been thought of as being a cold, commanding presence. Someone who aims to dominate, to be the decision-maker and order people around. When you run into a leader like that, it sucks. But it’s sometimes easier to be that type of leader, and not care and feel good about making people listen to you out of fear. People tend to fear rejection, so sometimes it’s easier to just not try at all and maintain that cold presence. It’s much harder to put yourself out there, get to know people, and face the potential reality that they may not like you. Because, again, that is a choice and choosing to do what is harder…is so powerful.
So then I think that the idea of respect comes into play here (because being liked does not = being respected). Power and respect can be at odds sometimes. Just because you have power in an organization or hierarchy, doesn’t mean you have respect. But if you have respect from your…subordinates (or a nicer-sounding word that I can’t think of right now), then you will have power. And that’s the type of power that you want. The kind where you try your best to actually get to know people. The kind where you respect others and you are respected in turn, and the kind where you communicate well and listen, and where you are able to show your flaws in order to show that you are human as well.
Personally, I have never needed to fully entertain the thought of being liked. It crosses my mind from time to time, a fickle thought — I already know I’m a very odd duck and admittedly, difficult to get along with. I can be a bit blunt and I have a lot of emotions…and a lot of weird tendencies. For example, I often will pull my right arm out of my hoodie and only wear the head hole and the left sleeve when it’s too hot to wear the whole thing, but too cold to wear no hoodie. Apparently that’s weird. I think it’s fun! But I also strive to live morally and receive respect from people by just being myself (but don’t worry, I try to get along with them too!).
So, I guess I feel most powerful when I’m not worried about what other people think of me. Trust me, those people-pleasing thoughts do sneak in. For the most part, I don’t worry if they like or love me…I worry that they think I’ve failed, or that I’m not doing a good job. I worry about being respected enough so that I can do my job. I want to receive approval for the things I do, not the way I am, because even in the hardest times I like the way I am (well, most of it). Growing up, I was never the cool kid because I was aggressively a tomboy (the way I do most things, apparently) and trust me, it tore me up. And even though I sometimes wonder if my athletes think I’m cool or fun enough, I’ve finally accepted the fact that I’m weird as heck. And not in a “oh look I’m so quirky n cool and that makes me unique” way — although, does saying that out loud…make it not so? Hmmmmmm….
I feel most powerful when I’m not worried about power, but I’m thinking about respect above all else. I mean, I have to have some sort of power because part of my job is making decisions for sport participation, but I don’t need to have the kind of power where I lord it over people, because that is horribly, incredibly frustrating to deal with. So, ok, you could argue that I am thinking about what other people think of me, but not in the people-pleasing way that’s an easy culprit to turn to. When I have respect from coaches and from players, from supervisors, athletic directors, and countless others…that’s a natural power that comes from a choice to strive for excellence. And it’s a much harder one to come by.
I’m not sure how I started with kindness and ended with respect, but these items are not as far apart as we think because kindness can lead to respect. And I wouldn’t say that you should feel giddy with power just for treating someone with kindness, because that’s kind of just a normal thing to do, but I think we need to choose kindness in all the moments that we can. That’s true power. And that’s a fun lesson to learn for today :)
