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Words matter, but so does grace.

The first cannot stand true without the second.

Jen Xu
4 min readJan 10, 2021

I know words matter. Now, I am guilty of downplaying how much words matter when other people react to words they don’t like, but then reacting dramatically to hearing things I don’t like. I am imperfect when it comes to all of this, but we seriously can’t continue this way anymore.

If words matter, then we have to understand that everyone is learning which words matter. We all start somewhere, so demanding immediate and perfect perfection is unfair and ridiculous. It also can lead to self-destructive tendencies because you end up with countless words & topics that immediately infuriate you. I believe that it sets you up for failure in that way.

Yes, we should be careful with what we say and how we say it (since our words matter) — freedom of speech is not free of consequences. But we shouldn’t be scared to speak our minds! That seems to be the world we live in now. It seems like everything is stifled out of fear and that leads to poor communication skills, bad and one-sided conversations, and anger/fear/frustration for everyone.

Here’s the thing — our feelings are not facts (they are our facts, but not facts). Feeling hurt by others’ words does not automatically mean that the other person was intending to be hurtful. Feelings merely provide information, but in a very important way. They tell us that maybe something is wrong, and maybe we should investigate. Our feelings are a completely subjective…

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Jen Xu
Jen Xu

Written by Jen Xu

Athletic trainer, PhD student, coffee lover. I write about fitness, mental health, being Asian-American, and personal growth.

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