Write about staying quiet when you feel like shouting.
There is nothing more deafening than the sound of silence. It’s at its worst when you want to let the world know that you’ve been wronged but you can’t quite do it without being completely unreasonable…and your head is pounding, your ears feel hot, your neck feels prickly. You grit your teeth, you clamp your mouth shut and don’t let anything escape, not even your tongue to moisten your dry lips. It feels like an eternity, and it takes every ounce of energy within you to just stay quiet.
My first instinct was to discuss being wronged, not because I think it happens to me any more than others (besides by the universe for my apparent lack of poise and grace), but because I inherently operate by a very rigid set of rules. I often see things in black and white so something is either right or wrong. So when people operate by a different set of rules and it starts to affect me, I can become very indignant and frustrated. And worse yet, when others don’t seem to understand exactly what my intentions are, I am infuriated.
No one likes being misunderstood. It’s not easy to just sit and tolerate that, no matter how patient you are. I think it takes a big person to just know that what you’re doing is correct and sit with it. Of course, there’s plenty of merit to considering someone else’s opinion because there’s always a chance you might be wrong…but that aside, there is a decent amount of discomfort that comes with feeling misunderstood.
Comfort is not always guaranteed in life. There will definitely be moments when you are wronged. There will be times when you butt heads with others, even those close to you. And in those moments, you will realize that you can’t fight every single one. People are not perfect, and there is only so much “fight” people want to deal with before they simply don’t care anymore. You kind of just end up being the girl who cried wolf…every time. This was a bit of a long paragraph just to say to pick your battles wisely.
I think about intentions all day long because I am always trying to live life the way I preach it. I want to be clear about the kind of person I want to be — and I do this mostly for myself. But I think most of all, I don’t want people to think I’m stupid. I want to be respected and be seen as competent at the very least. Truthfully, I fear almost every day that I am not good enough in others’ eyes. I do not wish to be “liked”, per se, I just wish to be respected.
